dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
