he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
