my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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