I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
