There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
