Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
