the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
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I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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