How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
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This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
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Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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