Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
