I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
