I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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