So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
