so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
