his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
