the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
