its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
