I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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