The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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