Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
