I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
