you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
