I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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