I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
