i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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