Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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