I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
