So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
