Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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