1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
