We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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