It's a beautiful day for a hangover
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We had to coat check the pizza.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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