remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
