God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
