You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
