why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
