listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
