Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
