Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
