Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
