so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
