You're so nebulous sometimes
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
