Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
