Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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