Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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