Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
