Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
