You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
