I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
