i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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