And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
