i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just high enough for therapy.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
