I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
