Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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