Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
