She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
