Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
