I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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