so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
