Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
