if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
