I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
