Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
