I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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